How did we decide which foods should be eaten with a fork, and which foods should be eaten with our fingers? Is there any logic behind finger food etiquette? (Side thought: should mac and cheese be eaten with a spoon or a fork? Ugh then there’s the spork. Don’t get me started on the spork…) Continue reading
Let’s Talk Business
After a few years of learning the lingo, I put together a small dictionary for common business jargon. Use with caution, or even better, not at all.
Everyone doesn’t know my name
Rihanna. We pronounce it: Ree-ON-uh. Rihanna pronounces it: Ree-ANN-Uh. She sacrificed everything to finally get her name in lights. . .and then everyone read it wrong (cue let down music).
This tragic story brought to you by Andy’s Feel a Little Bit Better About Your Life Foundation. You’re welcome and happy Monday, everyone!
Potty Talk: The Girl Next Door
You’re in the bathroom at work. Someone enters the stall next to you. What do you do next?…You know exactly what. You look at the person’s feet. If you’re lucky you don’t have to bend over to see. But you do what’s necessary. Continue reading
No credit for the end credits
Here is a common situation: I’m sitting in a movie. Completely involved in it. So much that it feels real. The movie ends, just after an intense moment of closure. I prepare to bask in it all.
Suddenly, the credits come up and an awful, totally inappropriate pop song comes on. Wasn’t this a World War II movie? It’s the worst when it’s a movie that only featured beautifully composed, original music throughout and suddenly ends with a song from a Disney channel girl band. Continue reading
Emotionally Intense
An ex-boyfriend once called me emotionally intense. Insulted and hurt, I cried for 10 minutes. Then after seeing the irony, I laughed my head off. Then I broke up with him. After a day, I realized I missed his candor, so we got back together again.
I know emotion.
It’s not as bad as it sounds
I have bunions.
You may cringe, but I feel no shame. Occasional pain, but no shame. I have noticed when I mention my bunions, people generally react with a “Gross. Why would you admit that to me?”But here’s the thing, bunions are only swollen bone/tissue on the joint of your big toe. It’s not the warty, stinky, disgusting, contagious fungus you might expect based on the awful name “bunion.”
So this got me thinking. What other names make something sound worse than it is? Continue reading
A Kenny G Tribute
Fads I Don’t Get
I’m a conformist. I feel security in aligning with the majority opinion. At least with the more weighty issues of the world such as clothing trends, ways to say “cool,” and movie reviews.
Band wagons I have jumped on throughout my life: Barney, beadie critter keychains, wearing oversized hair scrunchies like a bracelet, switching from skiing to snowboarding, switching from Backstreet Boys to N’Sync, switching from Myspace to Facebook, and wanting a lifted truck (it was a hick town thing). I think it’s safe to say I’m a fad follower.
However, there are a few things I just don’t get. No matter how hard I try I just don’t get it (and seriously I really try to get it because I do not like feeling on the outside). Continue reading
Grown-up Piggies
With 33 nieces and nephews I know children can be sweet, loving, innocent, forgiving, great examples…I know that.
However, as a childless know-it-all, I am quick to perceive the many shortcoming of youth. To name a few: they have no control over their emotions, they are ungrateful, and they expect everyone else to take care of their problems (I know my husband is rolling his eyes at me). Kids can really just turn me off. Continue reading